Potterized Nursery Rhymes
by gherkin
Summary: Being reposted and continued. A collection of potterised nursery rhymes for your young witch or wizard
1. Chapter 1:

Disclaimer: I own nothing from this story.

And also if you've got a good nursery rhyme please send it along to me.

Thanks to Alexandra who made the last two poems, with some changes made by me.

Chapter 1:

What are little wizards made of, made of?  
What are little wizards made of?  
"Broomsticks and mischief, and spells gone all wrong;  
And that's what little wizards are made of, made of."

What are little witches made of, made of?  
What are little witches made of?  
"Spell books and essays, and being on time;  
And that's what little witches are made of, made of."

Gred and Forge, mischief and lie  
Snogged the girls to make them cry;  
But when the Death Eaters come out to play,  
Gred and Forge fly far away

Sexy James Potter  
Thought he looked hotter  
As he sat drinking his butterbeer.  
He stuck in a fork,  
To pull out the cork.  
And chanted, "Accio sweet Lilykins, here"

Poor James Potter

Sat on his tuffet

Eating a chocolate frog.

Along came a Dark Lord,

Who pulled out a sharp sword

And Jamesie became naught but fog

A pocket full of newt eye,  
Four and twenty death eaters

Baked in a pie.  
When the pie was opened  
they began to sing,

Wasn't that a dainty dish  
to set before their Lord?  
The Lord was in a Gringotts vault

Counting stolen money,  
Potter was in his cupboard  
Eating bread and honey.  
Moody was in the garden  
Hanging out his robes,

When along came Crouch

Who cursed off his nose!


	2. Chapter 2:

Disclaimer: Still owning absolutely nothing.  
I will review every story of the first person who can name every poem, and recite them to me.

Chapter 2:

That sweet Ron Weasley  
has grown up so fine.  
He won't get up

To feed the swine.

He lies in bed  
til eight or nine,  
surely this boy does  
take his time.

Hark, hark,  
The Animagus does bark,  
The Weasley's are coming to town;  
Some in robes,  
And Muggle clothes,  
And one in a velvet gown. (Malfoy in disguise)

I love Mrs. Norris,  
Her coat is so warm,  
And if I don't prank her  
She'll won't call Filch in alarm.  
So I'll not use my dung bombs  
Or shoo her away,  
But Mrs. Norris and I  
Shall put troublemakers away

The Lion and the Snake  
Were fighting for the Cup.  
The Lion beat the Snake  
'Coz of Malfoy's hiccup  
Ravenclaw and Hufflepuff  
were always full of cheers.  
While the Slytherins  
Sulked and drank a lot of butterbeers.

Here we go round the Whomping Willow,  
The Whomping Willow,  
The Whomping Willow,  
Here we go round the Whomping Willow,  
During the full moon.


	3. Chapter 3:

Disclaimer: And yet again I own... NOTHING!

Chapter 3:  
This cat is a Kneazle,  
A Kneazle, A Kneazle,  
This cat is a Kneazle,  
What ever shall we do?

We'll send for Professor Dumbledore,  
Dumbledore, Dumbledore,  
We'll send for Professor Dumbledore,  
And he'll know what to do.

Peter, Peter, damned Death Eater,  
Didn't have a girl cause he couldn't keep her.  
But he could murder, really swell.  
That's the only thing, he did well.

Harry had a large dog;  
it's fur as black as coal;  
and everywhere that Harry went,  
the dog was sure to go.

It followed him to class one day,  
which was against the rule;  
it made the children laugh and play,  
to see a dog at school.

And so McGonagall sent it out,  
but still it lingered near,  
and waited patiently about  
Till Harry did appear.

"Why does the dog love Harry so?"  
The eager children cry,  
"Why, Harry loves the dog, you know"  
McGonagall did reply.

It's snowing,  
It's pouring,  
Old Dumbledore is snoring;  
He went to bed  
And banged his head  
And went to St Mungo's next morning.


	4. Chapter 4:

Disclaimer: Harry Potter and co are not my responsibility, I don't own them.

Chapter 4:

Little Hermione has lost her homework,  
and doesn't know where to find it.  
Leave it alone  
and get sent home.  
Her bushy hair flowing behind her.

Evil Millicent is such a bitch  
that I threw her on the Quidditch Pitch.  
But to her utter dismay  
Harry Potter didn't play  
because cruel Umbridge made a glitch

Instead it was the Slytherin team!  
And they are fat, cruel, and mean.  
But at least Drakey has the money,  
Even if he isn't funny.  
Luckily dear, it's just a dream.

Hey widdle widdle  
Potter and Riddle  
Were duelling under the moon  
The Death Eaters laughed to see such fun  
And Cedric was killed too soon

Early in the morning, around eight o' clock  
you can hear the owls coming in a flock.  
Up jump the children, high off the floor,  
how many letters will you get?  
One letter, two letters, three letters, four?

Bill Weasley went to Egypt  
To discover the secret crypt  
He'll come back and marry me  
Extremely hot, Bill Weasley.  
Bill is so fine and fair,  
With his long auburn hair  
He's a good friend evermore,  
Extremely hot, Bill Weasley.


	5. Chapter 5:

Disclaimer: I haven't got anything to do with Harry or the Nursery Rhymes. I just gotsta power to mix them.

WARNING: POST CONTAINS CRUDENESS :D

Chapter 5:

Harry Potter bought some butterbeer  
But, he said, the butterbeer is too bitter.  
If I put it in my spider  
It will make my spider bitter,  
But a bit of better butterbeer  
Will make my spider better  
So he bought another butterbeer  
And put it in his spider.  
And the spider was not bitter.  
So 'twas better Harry Potter  
Bought a bit of better butterbeer.

There was a young fella called Weasley  
Who took Hermione out to dinner  
At half past nine  
They sat down to dine  
And by a quarter to ten it was in her  
(The dinner not Weasley)

Another young fella called Potter  
Took the same Hermione to supper.  
At half past nine  
They sat down to dine  
And by a quarter to ten it was up her.

(Not Potter, some bastard called Weasley)

Harry, Harry, quite ordinary,  
how do you beat the Dark Lord?  
With mummy's love, and lots of luck.  
And good old Gryffindor's sharp sword.

Eency Weency Acromantula

Climbed up the Hogwarts pipes

When down came the loo water

And washed poor Spidey out

But when the flushing stopped

Up went the Acromantula again!


	6. Chapter 6:

Disclaimer: Still don't own Harry. I'll get you Potter!

Chapter 6:

Bouillabaisse on a plate,  
Bouillabaisse on a plate,  
Wibble, wobble, wibble, wobble,  
Bouillabaisse on a plate.

House-elves cooking food,  
House-elves cooking food,  
Frizzle, frazzle, hic, frizzle, frazzle, hic.  
House-elves cooking food.

Ferret boy on the floor,  
Ferret boy on the floor,  
Bounce him up and down,  
Ferret boy on the floor.

Hush-A-Bye, Dennis, brother of mine,  
Mustn't cry, hush-a-bye.

Harry's up above,  
fighting for love

And Hermione, downstairs,  
Fighting Elfish Welfares.  
Hush-a-bye, Dennis, brother of mine,

Mustn't cry, so hush-a-bye.

And do sleep well.

'Tunia, 'Tunia

Quite like a Horsey

How does your garden grow?

With Harry to starve, labouring for no love,

And Vernon to keep him in row.


	7. Chapter 7:

Disclaimer: Don't own Harry Potter okay?

Chapter 7:

Tonks and Bill went up the hill

To look at the old Riddle house.

A wand went snap! As down went Bill,

With Tonks coming stumbling after

Up got Bill and home did he go

As fast as he could fly.

To old Mrs Weasley who fixed his wand

Whilst glaring at him til he fried!

The Eaters go marching two by two,

Voldemort, Voldemort

The Eaters go marching two by two,

Voldemort, Voldemort.

The Eaters go marching two by two,

When Bellatrix stopped

And a curse was threw

And the Eaters go marching

Right up Hogwarts' hill,

Right up Hogwarts' hill.

Fee! Fi! Foe! Fum!

I smells a sickening Mudblood

Be she a Hermione, or different bred

I'll grind her bones

But keep her head

- Macnair.


	8. Chapter 8:

Disclaimer: I hold no authority to most of the things in these poems and such. They belong to greater people than I.

Chapter 8:

This is the house that the Black's built.  
This is the portrait  
that hung in the house that the Black's built.

This is the house-elf

that obeyed the portrait

that hung in the house that the Black's built.

This is the werewolf,  
that killed the house-elf,  
that obeyed the portrait,  
that hung in the house that the Black's built.

This is the boy,  
that worried the werewolf,  
that killed the house-elf,  
that obeyed the portrait,  
that hung in the house that the Black's built.

This is the Hippogriff with a fetish for rats,  
that tossed the boy, that worried the werewolf,  
that killed the house-elf,  
that obeyed the portrait,  
that hung in the house that the Black's built.

This is Hermione all-forlorn,  
that groomed the hippogriff with a fetish for rats,  
that tossed the boy,  
that worried the werewolf,  
that killed the house-elf,  
that obeyed the portrait,  
that hung in the house that the Black's built.

This is Ron Weasley all tattered and bored,  
that kissed Hermione all-forlorn,  
that groomed the hippogriff that had a fetish for rats,  
that tossed the boy,  
who worried the werewolf,  
that killed the house-elf,  
that obeyed the portrait,  
that hung in the house that the Black's built.

This is Dumbledore not shaven nor shorn,  
that married Ron Weasley all tattered and bored,  
that kissed Hermione all-forlorn,  
that groomed the hippogriff with a fetish for rats,  
that tossed the boy,  
that worried the werewolf, that killed the house-elf,  
who obeyed the portrait,  
that hung in the house the Black's built.

This is Dung that still drunk in the morn  
That waked Dumbledore not shaven nor shorn  
that married Ron Weasley all tattered and bored,  
that kissed Hermione all-forlorn,  
that groomed the hippogriff with a fetish for rats,  
that tossed the boy,  
that worried the werewolf, that killed the house-elf,  
who obeyed the portrait,  
that hung in the house the Black's built.

This is Tonks, Nymphadora by birth  
That watched Dung still drunk in the morn  
That waked Dumbledore not shaven nor shorn  
that married Ron Weasley all tattered and bored,  
that kissed Hermione all-forlorn,  
that groomed the hippogriff with a fetish for rats,  
that tossed the boy,  
that worried the werewolf, that killed the house-elf,  
who obeyed the portrait,  
that hung in the house the Black's built.


	9. Chapter 9:

Disclaimer: I don't own anything ;)

CHAPTER RATING: PG-13

Chapter 9:

All around the Whomping Willow

The ferret chases the Weasel

The ferret though 'twas all in fun

Pop goes the Weasel!

A sickle for a Fog Glass

A galleon for a Pensieve

That's the way the moolah goes

Pop goes the Weasel!

Up and Down Diagon Alley

Hiding out in Knockturn

That's the way the moolah goes

Pop goes the Weasel!

Half a glass of Butterbeer

Half a pound of Bouillabaisse

Mix it up and make it nice

Pop goes the Weasel!

Hush little Harry, don't say a word.

Prong's is gonna buy you a Snidget bird.

And if that Snidget bird's too bling

Prong's is gonna find you Slytherin's ring.

And if that evil ring makes you cry

Prong's will disobey sweet Lily

And teach you to fly.

Mumble-Grumble-Mugwump

Ministry officials are in love

How do you think that it happened?

Arthur Weasley, the Minister

And Dolores Umbridge

They all swallowed a Love Potion

The image was bad, all Harry could do was stare.,


	10. Chapter 10:

Disclaimer: Don't own Harry Potter.

The first person to review and name what each sentence is on about gets a review for each of their stories, and a continuous review for a story of their choice. If you don't have any stories discuss any alternative reward.

Letters E, K, P, W, X, Y have no definition, and whoever makes the most sense with Q will also get a continuous review.

Chapter 10:

A was an Auror who worked for both sides  
B was a boy, brave yet bairn  
C was a captain, custodian of hoops

D was duo dunces of dimness and dull  
E was an evilness, empty of empathy  
F was a father, failing the fight

G was a girl of utter greatness  
H was a human hideously handed  
I was Igor an irritating imp

J was two jokers of joy and jokes  
K was a king kitted to kill  
L was a lion upon a shield

M was a mark upon a master's membrane  
N was a Nicholas; nearly headless  
O was an OWL of great outstanding

P was a pig that was pitiful and podgy  
Q was a quarrel with three versus one  
R was a rat of reeking lies

S was a Sybil silly and smart  
T was a tinker of Muggle things

U was a unicorn dying for darkness

V is a veil which vexes wizards  
W is for Wizards and Witches alone  
X was an xtreme misunderstanding  
Y is for yeti, fearer of fire  
Z is for Zacharias who was not zealous


End file.
